It boggles me how this is even accomplished. If you can even call it a accomplishment.
I can’t even. I don’t even. People like this need to be informed, and men/boys need to stop believing that being sexualized by their female teachers is somehow “cool” or an “accomplishment”.
I think I’d be right in saying that most sexual abuse isn’t meant to feel like abuse - that’s why the abusers tell you it’s okay, don’t tell anyone, it’s love etc. That’s what the grooming is for. Sexual grooming is where they get to know you, get close to you and convince you that you can trust them - so how could it be abuse? You care about each other! But it’s bullshit.
A twenty-four year old has no place with a fifteen year old. A lot of people will say that it’s okay, fifteen is old, twenty-four is young, etc.. But the point is that he was an adult and you were a child. You can’t make decisions like that properly when you’re fifteen.
When I was fifteen I met a twenty six year old online, and I thought I was very mature and capable. He drove me out to nowhere in his car, where I was essentially stranded, and I was scared. My parents didn’t know where I was and I’d never met this guy before. We ended up “hooking up”, because I was too scared to say no. I couldn’t call my mom, and I certainly didn’t want to ask him to drive me home after refusing to do anything, because I didn’t want to be stranded with a stranger, let alone an angry one. I got home that night and I felt so dirty and violated. I chose to get into his car, but I was just a kid. He shouldn’t have been talking to children online and he shouldn’t have whisked me away in his car away from my parents without anyone’s knowledge. THat’s a dangerous situation.
Always question that type of scenario. WTF is an adult doing with a child?
I am amazed that anyone even reads this blog and this is exactly why I created it, because I wanted to have that “omg, me too” feeling as well. It’s like being part of a sad club that you never wanted to join, but it feels better when you know you’re not alone.
I am so so so glad that is over for you, and you sound like you are in a healthy relationship and have since recognized how wrong that was - but I still feel obligated to recommend therapy if you can afford it. Even a few sessions here or there… I’m not a doctor (I wish, $$$) but you don’t know how groundbreaking therapy can be until you try it. Of course, if you’re ilke me, after 3-4 years of therapy you start to panic at the idea of separating from your therapist haha.
I’m really glad you are healing from this and I have to say that I can really relate to your feelings. Your fiance sounds like a great person!
When you say “repeated that same behavior”, what do you mean? Because you can’t have participated in abuse. It’s not something you participate in - it’s something that happens to you. You were just a kid! Don’t ever allow yourself to think that you had any part in that.
You want to know what happened when I told my friends? Well I was really scared to, because I thought they’d think I was disgusting. I thought I had allowed something disgusting to happen to me and was ashamed.. But I was shocked at how supportive they were. People I didn’t even know were concerned about me. You’d be surprised at people’s reactions.
Nothing changed too much, some of my friends didn’t handle it as well as others but you just learn to roll with it. You’ve just got to have one person who will believe in you and support you. And if you don’t have that person, I can be that person.
It’s hard telling someone. Not everyone reacts well, some people might be dicks about it, but then you can be done with them and move on to meeting more mature, sensitive and thoughtful people who will stand by you.
Blue Car.. Never heard of it but I’ll look into watching it. I don’t really react to triggers, or I should say that I don’t avoid them, because they’re everywhere..
Thank you for sending me that, it’s definitely something I’ll see. Haev you ever seen Trust? Also a good one.
I was quite convinced too..This kidn of abuse isn’t meant to feel like abuse. You’re groomed to believe it’s okay, normal, safe etc.
He told me i was very mature for my age, more mature than women his age, I was special etc. Have you heard any of this before?
I’m not saying you’re not mature, but shit like that is what they say to make you feel like it’s okay. Like hey, you may be 30+ years older than me but maturity wise I’m the same age. Right? It’s not that way.
Do you ever wonder why he’s not dating someone his own age? Why did he pick someone as young as you? I wondered that too. It’s because he fed on my vulnerability and the fact that I believed everything he said.
Start questioning it. Think about it. Be careful with your body. And message me again if you want..
He shouldn’t be even talking to you if he is twenty. I used to talk to a guy on the internet who was 21 when I was 13, and he ended up threatening my life, calling my friends and sending mean messages.. You have to be careful!
I know you won’t want to hear this, but you should tell one of your parents, or an adult. I know it sounds dumb and cliche but situations like this can really get out of hand quickly even if you’re handling it the best way you can. Tell your mom or an older sibling or an aunt or something, and they can help you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this all yourself, you’re only 14!!
Copy down his messages to show your parent/sibling/guardian and please tell someone! Message me again if you want to talk more.
Well, you don’t have to tell someone and then press charges. Is there someone you trust, like your mom or an uncle or a friend? I’m not sure how old you are so I’m assuming under 20…
Tell someone you trust. Or, visit rainn.org (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) to speak with someone there, they can help you. You don’t have to report your cousin, or talk to the police, or do anything. But you do need to talk about it because it will eat at you.
If I hadn’t gone to therapy when I did, I would be so much worse now. You may not realize it yet but years from now, this will affect you and I don’t want to know that you are going to carry this the rest of your life. Tell SOMEONE you love!!
If you want to talk more just message me. Don’t be ashamed - it’s not your fault and you did nothing wrong. :)
I started this blog to vent, to maybe help people, but I honestly never thought I would get as many messages as I’ve gotten. On one hand I am relieved to finally speak to people that know how I’m feeling, but I also feel devastated that I’m not the only one to go through this.
Is anyone else out there? Has this happened to you? I’ll talk to you. About anything. I spent three years wishing I had someone to really talk to. I don’t want you to wait that long.
I am being totally genuine - I will talk to you. No judgment.
