a girl who knows

I'm a 19 year old girl.

I was sexually abused by my high school teacher when I was 16. He told me he loved me and called me his girlfriend....and his daughter.

He was 52.

My case went to court, and I have been in therapy for about two years. This is a subject that is so misunderstood in society.. I want to help everyone to understand.

I know there are other girls out there experiencing this, because it's more common than we want to believe..and I want to talk to them. I wish there had been a blog or site like this when I needed help.

If you have questions, or think your teacher is crossing the line, or maybe just want a friend..I'll be waiting.

Anonymous asked: pleaase help me

What’s going on???

Anonymous asked: I think I was sexually a abused but it doesn't "feel" like I was. I was 15 and he was around 24. We never had sex but we did other things. But I never felt like it was wrong and till this day I still don't and I'm 18 now. It went on for 3 years and I stopped it. Was I abused?

I think I’d be right in saying that most sexual abuse isn’t meant to feel like abuse - that’s why the abusers tell you it’s okay, don’t tell anyone, it’s love etc. That’s what the grooming is for. Sexual grooming is where they get to know you, get close to you and convince you that you can trust them - so how could it be abuse? You care about each other! But it’s bullshit.

A twenty-four year old has no place with a fifteen year old. A lot of people will say that it’s okay, fifteen is old, twenty-four is young, etc.. But the point is that he was an adult and you were a child. You can’t make decisions like that properly when you’re fifteen.

When I was fifteen I met a twenty six year old online, and I thought I was very mature and capable. He drove me out to nowhere in his car, where I was essentially stranded, and I was scared. My parents didn’t know where I was and I’d never met this guy before. We ended up “hooking up”, because I was too scared to say no. I couldn’t call my mom, and I certainly didn’t want to ask him to drive me home after refusing to do anything, because I didn’t want to be stranded with a stranger, let alone an angry one. I got home that night and I felt so dirty and violated. I chose to get into his car, but I was just a kid. He shouldn’t have been talking to children online and he shouldn’t have whisked me away in his car away from my parents without anyone’s knowledge. THat’s a dangerous situation.

Always question that type of scenario. WTF is an adult doing with a child?  

Anonymous asked: I just wanted tosay thank you for putting your story out there. You are a strong woman. I was 16 when my high school teacher began grooming and eventually sexually abusing me. It lasted until I was one year out of college, when my boyfriend of 5 years(now fiance) found our correspondance. I am now about to be 25 and still have not wrapped my head around it. I used to think it was a strange, strong love, and i used to tell him I felt trapped. Thank you for helping me feel less alone tonight.

I am amazed that anyone even reads this blog and this is exactly why I created it, because I wanted to have that “omg, me too” feeling as well. It’s like being part of a sad club that you never wanted to join, but it feels better when you know you’re not alone. 

I am so so so glad that is over for you, and you sound like you are in a healthy relationship and have since recognized how wrong that was - but I still feel obligated to recommend therapy if you can afford it. Even a few sessions here or there… I’m not a doctor (I wish, $$$) but you don’t know how groundbreaking therapy can be until you try it. Of course, if you’re ilke me, after 3-4 years of therapy you start to panic at the idea of separating from your therapist haha. 

I’m really glad you are healing from this and I have to say that I can really relate to your feelings. Your fiance sounds like a great person! 

Anonymous asked: No I haven't been abused by a teacher but I have been abused by one of my family members It started at age 10 and ended approximately around age 12 That's when I was diagnosed with depression and had to start taking medication I didn't reveal everything or talk much because I had become a "selective mute I was scared I'd shut down when it came time to speak its like I couldnt speak at all I would hate myself to this day that I repeated that same behavior, but I will forgive both of us.

When you say “repeated that same behavior”, what do you mean? Because you can’t have participated in abuse. It’s not something you participate in - it’s something that happens to you. You were just a kid! Don’t ever allow yourself to think that you had any part in that. 

Anonymous asked: What does exactly change when you tell a person (for example your best friend) what happened? Please take this seriously. Thank you.

You want to know what happened when I told my friends? Well I was really scared to, because I thought they’d think I was disgusting. I thought I had allowed something disgusting to happen to me and was ashamed.. But I was shocked at how supportive they were. People I didn’t even know were concerned about me. You’d be surprised at people’s reactions.

Nothing changed too much, some of my friends didn’t handle it as well as others but you just learn to roll with it. You’ve just got to have one person who will believe in you and support you. And if you don’t have that person, I can be that person.

It’s hard telling someone. Not everyone reacts well, some people might be dicks about it, but then you can be done with them and move on to meeting more mature, sensitive and thoughtful people who will stand by you.

Anonymous asked: I've heard that the movie Blue Car deals with the topic of your blog. I can't find free links to watch online, but i heard it was very very good. I don't know if you'd find it triggering, but it's important.

Blue Car.. Never heard of it but I’ll look into watching it. I don’t really react to triggers, or I should say that I don’t avoid them, because they’re everywhere..

Thank you for sending me that, it’s definitely something I’ll see. Haev you ever seen Trust? Also a good one.

Anonymous asked: I'm 18. He's 55. I am quite convinced that it's not abuse, but I just don't know.

I was quite convinced too..This kidn of abuse isn’t meant to feel like abuse. You’re groomed to believe it’s okay, normal, safe etc.

He told me i was very mature for my age, more mature than women his age, I was special etc. Have you heard any of this before?

I’m not saying you’re not mature, but shit like that is what they say to make you feel like it’s okay. Like hey, you may be 30+ years older than me but maturity wise I’m the same age. Right? It’s not that way.

Do you ever wonder why he’s not dating someone his own age? Why did he pick someone as young as you? I wondered that too. It’s because he fed on my vulnerability and the fact that I believed everything he said.

Start questioning it. Think about it. Be careful with your body. And message me again if you want..

Anonymous asked: can some help? :( This guy has been sexually harassing me over tumblr and facebook. I've tried blocking him and telling him to leave me alone, but he won't stop :'(. One of his friends told me he raped his last girlfriend and I want nothing to do with him. He won't show me proof that he didn't and keeps telling me to "trust him, his innocent", but it's kinda hard when more then one of his friends are telling me he did rape and abuse his last girlfriend. I don't know what to do.

He shouldn’t be even talking to you if he is twenty. I used to talk to a guy on the internet who was 21 when I was 13, and he ended up threatening my life, calling my friends and sending mean messages.. You have to be careful!

I know you won’t want to hear this, but you should tell one of your parents, or an adult. I know it sounds dumb and cliche but situations like this can really get out of hand quickly even if you’re handling it the best way you can. Tell your mom or an older sibling or an aunt or something, and they can help you.  You shouldn’t have to deal with this all yourself, you’re only 14!!

Copy down his messages to show your parent/sibling/guardian and please tell someone! Message me again if you want to talk more.